A Plate Full

As you know I am a bit of a control freak. Ok so that might be a little mild. I have to feel as if I am in control. This carries through everything I do: mother, wife, boss, employee, and friend - everything. God has been changing things about me slowly and I appreciate that. I still get to feel in control.


Everything about my Job was in my mind out of control and everything in my personal life was out of control. Who ever said that God doesn’t put more on your plate than you can handle is crazy. God loads our plate until we realize we can’t handle it and we need Him.
(2 Corinthians 1:8b We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.)
Not trusting God with any of the details I went into overload. For months I knew I was “losing my job” and someone else was going to be telling me how to do things. Not knowing what that was going to look like I lived in fear of ALL the worst case scenarios ie. I would lose my job, become a copy girl, be not important, and so on and so on.
(I Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon Him; for He cares for you.)

Then with cancer running in the family and my sister just facing breast cancer that is a fear for me. Trish had told me that the way she found hers is because of an inverted nipple. I woke up in January with the same problem. I scheduled a mammogram and they called me back for a second one and a sonogram. Three days later I am informed I need to have a MRI.
(the only thing we have to fear is fear itself – Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Trying to handle all this by myself (because I am a control freak) I lived in fear and that fear transformed into a person that treated others terrible to try to feel better about myself. Not even realizing I had began to really mistreat my assistant. Just like all other sins you do not choose to be in the middle of it on purpose. I slowly crossed line after line until I had reached the very middle of where I was.

As all good Christian should do she confronted me. I did not like it at all. I had to apologize and then look at myself and the ugly person I had become. Then the amazing grace of God steps in. I looked at who I was and who I wanted to be. I looked at why I was acting the way I was acting. I did not like that I was using the cutting words that my mother would use. Those words had hurt me so many times growing up.
(1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you)

I could no longer control anything! Life was in such disarray at least in my brain. To many I don’t knows!
I had to let God be in control at this point. I had to surrender all to Him. I had no choice but to believe what He had told me. I had to believe in my heart and trust on faith that God was going to keep His word.
(Since He did not spare even His own Son for us but gave Him up for us all, won't He also surely give us everything else? Romans 8:32 )

I have been set free from the need to control. I am set free in my Savior.

Just as God had promised…. He came through. I am a different person than I was . I am cancer free. I have a new “boss” (really just someone with input to what I do, more like a design team)

I know I will have moments that will challenge me not to take control again. But I now have history to fall back on to help me to let go.

A New Name

    I have been called a lot of names in my life.  I was born with the name Charlotte Ann.  My dad called me Charlie Brown.  Char, Charletto, Sharlie, Lottie are some more names I have been called.  As a child in school I was called some not so nice names, with the last name Shiff you can just imagine. 

    Last night we had Wednesday Night Super at church and I normally get mine to go.  I tease Darrin that it is his only home cooked meal he will get during the week.  There is a sticky note attached to the to go boxes each week with your name on it.  This is the sticky note...

I have a new name.

     While reading my Bible this morning I looked over and saw the tag on my desk.  It came to my mind that Christ has made me a new creature.  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17.  As I go through this week and look at the sticky note I will ponder and reflect on this verse.

Traditions

    Christmas morning we woke up early.  Darrin and I waited for the kids to arrive.   Bobby Sue was first to arrive.  Darrin and Bobby opened  their stockings.  I started to make pancakes. 

    I thought about my Dad and how that had always been his job.  Years ago Dad gave me the bowl that he always used to make the pancakes with. 

    It has always been a tradition in our family to open stockings then have a pancake breakfast.  My Grandmother Shiff's family did this.  I do not know how far back it goes. 

   David, Stacy and J Bear arrived in time for breakfast.  We all finally opened our stockings.  It was time to pass out presents. 

    Stacy got to wear Santa's hat and pass out the presents from the first tree.  David wore the hat and passed out half the presents from the second tree with Bobby finishing it.  Darrin then put the hat on and passed out all the presents from the third tree.

    After opening all the presents I started Christmas dinner and everybody played Mexican dominos.  It was nice to have a baby in the house.  I look forward to the years to come with a little one around.

   

Christmas Open Heart

    Every year for the last 5 years we have been opening our home to friends and family during the Christmas Season.  Every year it gets bigger and better.  Last year we added a night with Santa.  We decorate every room in the house including the bathrooms.  There is a tree in every room, nativities everywhere you look.

    This last Saturday night we had the second open house of the season.  We had lots of people come through and it was fun to see the faces of people. One of our neighbors brought her little boy to see.  This is the first year that he has noticed Christmas.  He has had to walk by our house every night to see the Christmas lights outside. 

    Jack was so excited to see all the trees and the trains all over the house.  He could not stop running from one end of the house to the other.  Jack is autistic and he is 6 or 7.  Jack is not normally vocal, he usually just makes high pitch sounds.  Jack would get so excited that he would roll in the floor and do a little break dancing.  He was so fun to watch.  What a pure heart.

    After a few trips around the house he found a nativity scene in the bathroom that has a little sheep in it.  He picked up the sheep and said, "sheep."  His mom said yes Jack sheep and got very excited.  He carried that sheep around for a while.  Then Jack spotted the snowman in the chess set and said "snow" and ran back to put the sheep where it belonged.  He then went and picked up the snowman and carried it with him and every time he went back in to the room with the chess set he would pick up another snowman until he had all four in his hands. 

   Soon Jack found the guitar in my sewing room and played it and he calmed right down.  He walked through the house and touched everything lightly.  When he would start to get wild again he would go back to the guitar and play it for a little bit and then he would calm back down.

    Jack got me to think about how I view my God.  Do I come to Him with the excitement like the first time I met Him?  Am I running from one end to the next to discover more about my God.  Am I calming down by turning to Him and His word? 

    "Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Mathew 11:29

Psalm 6

    LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
    Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
    My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, LORD, how long?
    Turn, LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
    Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
    I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
    My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
    Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.
    The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
    All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.

Hear Me

Psalm 5

    Listen to my words, LORD, consider my lament.

    Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.

  In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

   For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome.

   The arrogant cannot stand in your presence.

You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, LORD, detest.

    But I, by your great love, can come into your house; in reverence I bow down toward your holy temple.

    Lead me, LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make your way straight before me.

    Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with malice. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongues they tell lies.

    Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.

    But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

    Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

     "Listen to my words"  I love that phrase.  I have said this to my children to get there attention for years.  I eventually said that to my bosses.  David said that to God.  Wow! To think that we can address our God that way.  God! Listen to my words!  Hear me! I need You! Listen to me God!

    We all cry for help when we feel overwhelmed, we pray for God to answer us. Do we wait expectantly for God to answer?  WAIT, Wait, wait.... wait.  I hate to wait for answers.  I hate to wait for anything.  I want it now while I feel the uncertainty and unknown and overwhelmed.

  I love to say when someone asks me what I am doing "Waiting on the Lord."  It is more of a saying than a doing for me.  How, Lord do I change that to a doing not just a saying?

Looking for Answers

Psalm 4

    Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

    How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?  How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?  - Selah (pause)
    Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.

    In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. - Selah (pause)
    Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.

  Many are asking, “Who can show us any good?” Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

    You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. 

    I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

    Lord continue to show me that you listen to my prayers, continue to be my strength, continue to be my peace.  Praying through these Psalms has been a eye opener for me.  The very idea that Gods words is so living.  I continue to be amazed at how I can read a verse and the first time get nothing from it and the second time it speaks so loudly to me. 

    When I was in Costa Rica in July of 2011 the missionary there David lead the devotional one night.  He shared a simple verse with us and then he said to us, "If you don't understand the verse read it over and over making the emphasis on one word at a time".  I have done that so many times and it has helped me to get so much more meaning out of the verse.